life...

my life... sigh my life is so much more complicated then people think it is.
my family. we all hate each other. i try to keep everything together but it all seems to just fall apart. one of my brothers is just an idiot and my other brother is getting better.

sigh you see... i got together with this girl. and she is the one i love... i love her with all my heart and with all my life. i would die for her. i would do anything for her. . . i would leave everything behind just to be with her... but life isnt that easy now is it.

sigh you see... my family already has enough problems... but i dont know it seems like ever since i started going out with my girlfriend... its like all my brothers and her do it fight... they hate each other... and i know they agreed to calm down and try to get along... but one of them always gets pissed and then its just a snow ball effect.

my life... is so complicated. everyday its like i have to fight just to survive... i have to put a smile on in front of the ones i love... i havent talked to my best friend in so long about my feelings...

why? because my best friend is a girl... who is also my girlfriends "bestfriend" ... sigh her (my bff) and i have drifted apart... i know she is hurting... i know she doesnt like it... but... it seems like i cant do anything... her and i are both in deep holes and we are crying... and one day we will drown in your tears...

sigh. this is just the beginning... today... i really messed up... i hurt my girlfriend and i got mad at my family... i am so messed up its not even funny... i just... sometimes i just want to escape you know?

but there is no escaping life... only cowards take the easy way out...
i used to cut... i used to drink... i used to be a monster...
but then... she came into my life... she brought me salvation... she was my light at the end of a tunnel...
i promised my self that i would stop ... i would become better for her... i would be her one and only...

when it started... it felt so good... my heart... i couldnt even begin to describe it...